Today is the day. Today is the day I start to spend money to have a child. Today is the day I don't just have sex, I have procedures. Today is the day when we go from "trying" to impatient. This my friends is the start of a war...



I didn't intend to start this big old battle. I just wanted to have a kid. That's it. I wanted my son to have a sibling. I wanted my house to be systematically distroyed by sticky little finger

Blogfield - a blog about nothing

I was reading Diablo Cody's blog the other day and she mentioned her dislike for mommy blogs. I can't remember what super clever name she called them, I am sure it was terribly witty and cute but try as I might, I can not find it nor remember. Just as well. It is making me self conscience about writing here. Yeah, I know I shouldn't be. Because of the one's to two's of people that read this it really doesn't matter but still it is in the back of my head whenever I sit down to write. I don't always have a topic in mind so sometimes I just sit here and think about all the things that happened lately and see what strikes me.

Being the work at home mom that I am, the majority of my day is made up by things with,for or about my son. Hey, I'd love to get a job as a stripper and write about it every night but I don't think they have an adequate daycare program. So I'd have to rely on Candy or Amber or whatever stripper-y named girl is there to watch him, and lord knows what he would come home saying after a few minutes with those girls!

Life's Lessons

I took my son to the park today with a few other mommies. They were commenting on how well my son spoke and followed direction, when just a few days ago my husband and I were having a conversation about how some other child spoke so much clear and had such a better vocabulary than our son.

It was so nice to hear these wonderful things about my son, but at the same time it has made me realize, I was putting to much thought into it in the first place. My son is not going to go into college speaking in a nasally, unintelligible speech. He is not going to walk out of his dorm room and announce he is poop'y...repetitively! It is only a matter of time before these "issues" start to correct themselves. He doesn't need me to worry about those things. Instead, there are things in his life that only I can teach him. Those are the things I should be focused on. The things that he is not going to learn from anyone else, but me.

Unconditional love. The honest but loving support only a parent can give. How to be a gentleman. How to treat a lady. How to make up for a mistake. How to be a kind and loving father. Only I can ensure he has a positive self esteem. That he has confidence in himself. That he is a good person. That he is an honest person. Respectful. That he has faith in people. That he recognizes the good in everybody and treats everyone with respect and kindness. That he stands up for others and can stand up for himself. Only I can teach him to take criticism as a gift and not an attack. And only I can teach him what it feel like to be in a safe, loving and supportive home. And only I can give him the freedom to discover the world and grow in his own time.

That is what is important! and nothing else.

I am so grateful for that lesson today. I am even more touched that the mommy that gave me that valuable lesson didn't even mean to. She was just being a mom, a friend, and probably a worrier.

Sqwak Sqwak

When my son was an infant, I would look at him lying in his own poo, drooling on himself and think, "I can't wait until he is older and able to interact a bit." Then he got a bit older and would babble just a bit, but the drool and poo was still the same. I thought to myself, "I can't wait til he is older and can talk and stand and do those adorable things we all see toddlers do". Now he is older, he is learning new words everyday and can definitely walk around and do those adorable things that we see all toddlers do.

But the toddler stage has brought on a whole new revelation. I now know I have not given birth to a human child, rather a parrot! Every thing I say and do all day long is repeated back to me. All those little quirks you have, those ones you do without really knowing it? They are repeated back to me all day long!

It would seem that when I am working around the house and I become a bit frustrated I tend to make a growling noise. So guess what I get to hear all day long?!?! The low soothing growls of my son. ALL DAY! Oh I can't wait until I drop the F bomb and get to hear that repeated back to me. I know my husband is anxious to hear that.

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere

Remember back when cracking open a beer at 1 o'clock in the afternoon and relaxing made you "fun to hang out with" and "kicked back"? Yeah, well apparently you add a kid to the equation and all the sudden you've gone from, "fun to hang" with to, "Bad Mommy, call CPS"!

Now of course I would never get smashed with my kid at home, but I tell you what. Some days it is a harder rule to follow then others.

It amazes me how one little 5 o'clock wake up scream from my kid can take me from, "Lets have 5 more" to "lets have one less!" Seriously! I really do want more kids. I swear I do. I swear to you I would be a good mom. But I'll be honest with you. If that clock doesn't start with a 7 or higher I am not happy. And if it should have a 5 anywhere in there, I am PISSED!!!!

Do you know that in other countries, poorer countries then ours by far, women have maids and nanny's! Seriously even the lower class families have at least a maid. WTH! I can't even get a freakin' pee brake and some bitch in a third world country has a freak'n maid! Ok, yeah, so she has to go out and pick some five hundred acre farm field by herself and then carry home a dead cow on her back for dinner, but SHE has a maid to sweep her compacted dirt floor for her! I can't even get my husband to scrub is own leftovers out of the toilet when he is done. Oh and God forbid he use the aerosol can!! I bought a manly scent damn it!! NOW USE IT!......fresh linen's is manly, right?

Knocked up in a movie theater

Ever since Jamie Lynn Spears announced her teenage pregnancy, once and for all confirming that poor crazy ass Britney was doomed from the start, what with the modelesque mother of hers, I have suspected that Juno was the real cause of her pregnancy. Monkey see, monkey do. See teenage girl knocked up, be teenage girl knocked up. It was a theory, but a theory that I highly suspected to be true.

Then my 40 year old sister in law, yes it matters that she is 40. At least for the purposes of this little story. Anyways...So my sister-in-law, who has been "not preventing", no seriously. That is what she says. "Not Preventing". So, she has been "not preventing" for 6 years, her and my brother-in-law go to see Juno and guess who is freakin' knocked up?! This just confirms what I already knew! While not teenaged, she is most certainly pregnant and she can say that her husband is the cause of this but we all know who the really Daddy is. Diablo Cody!

Meanwhile, I am over here actually trying to get knocked up and I got nothing! Nothing except for sex calendars, ovulation charts and the pains of guilt and shame that only those really trying to get pregnant could possibly know. My poor husband is so conditioned, like a defunct Pavlov dog, he automatically starts to hump every time he hears the word "ovulate". Comes in handy at home but I got to tell you, that one time at the grocery store was a bit weird!

So, I've seen Juno. I've got the sound track. And now I wait to see if Diablo Cody can impregnate just one more!