It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere

Remember back when cracking open a beer at 1 o'clock in the afternoon and relaxing made you "fun to hang out with" and "kicked back"? Yeah, well apparently you add a kid to the equation and all the sudden you've gone from, "fun to hang" with to, "Bad Mommy, call CPS"!

Now of course I would never get smashed with my kid at home, but I tell you what. Some days it is a harder rule to follow then others.

It amazes me how one little 5 o'clock wake up scream from my kid can take me from, "Lets have 5 more" to "lets have one less!" Seriously! I really do want more kids. I swear I do. I swear to you I would be a good mom. But I'll be honest with you. If that clock doesn't start with a 7 or higher I am not happy. And if it should have a 5 anywhere in there, I am PISSED!!!!

Do you know that in other countries, poorer countries then ours by far, women have maids and nanny's! Seriously even the lower class families have at least a maid. WTH! I can't even get a freakin' pee brake and some bitch in a third world country has a freak'n maid! Ok, yeah, so she has to go out and pick some five hundred acre farm field by herself and then carry home a dead cow on her back for dinner, but SHE has a maid to sweep her compacted dirt floor for her! I can't even get my husband to scrub is own leftovers out of the toilet when he is done. Oh and God forbid he use the aerosol can!! I bought a manly scent damn it!! NOW USE IT!......fresh linen's is manly, right?

Knocked up in a movie theater

Ever since Jamie Lynn Spears announced her teenage pregnancy, once and for all confirming that poor crazy ass Britney was doomed from the start, what with the modelesque mother of hers, I have suspected that Juno was the real cause of her pregnancy. Monkey see, monkey do. See teenage girl knocked up, be teenage girl knocked up. It was a theory, but a theory that I highly suspected to be true.

Then my 40 year old sister in law, yes it matters that she is 40. At least for the purposes of this little story. Anyways...So my sister-in-law, who has been "not preventing", no seriously. That is what she says. "Not Preventing". So, she has been "not preventing" for 6 years, her and my brother-in-law go to see Juno and guess who is freakin' knocked up?! This just confirms what I already knew! While not teenaged, she is most certainly pregnant and she can say that her husband is the cause of this but we all know who the really Daddy is. Diablo Cody!

Meanwhile, I am over here actually trying to get knocked up and I got nothing! Nothing except for sex calendars, ovulation charts and the pains of guilt and shame that only those really trying to get pregnant could possibly know. My poor husband is so conditioned, like a defunct Pavlov dog, he automatically starts to hump every time he hears the word "ovulate". Comes in handy at home but I got to tell you, that one time at the grocery store was a bit weird!

So, I've seen Juno. I've got the sound track. And now I wait to see if Diablo Cody can impregnate just one more!